All posts tagged: self help

Comparison and Contentment

In a time where we are preoccupied with maintaining appearances both online and in-person, we go through our days managing the impressions we make on other people. We wear clothes we think strangers will approve of, we post pictures we think will accrue the most “likes,” all the while running from the feeling that we’re doing it all wrong. At the end of the day, we pour over the profiles of beautiful people with impressive resumes, comparing our messy life and stained pajamas with that carefully curated picture. We know it’s not real: that the beautiful smiles of airbrushed influencers or the perfect home of that mommy-blogger are not real life. We know that everyone posts their shiny moments, the ones where they look brave, the ones where the dirt is swept beneath the rug, and demons safely locked away. We know that we are comparing our worst moments to other’s highlight reels, and yet, we still set down our phones with the heavy feeling that we are inferior, that we are not enough. The …

Self-Worth: What the Research Has to Say

Psychologists are really interested in what they call “contingencies of self-worth.” This is the idea that our assessments of our own worth depend on things around us that fluctuate: we may feel worthy when people give us praise, when we get a good grade or a promotion, or when we have a productive day. Conversely, we may feel unworthy when we receive criticism, a poor grade, or when we aren’t as productive. The point is, when our worth is tied things in our daily lives that are inconsistent, we are left in a perilous state which wreaks havoc on our well-being. Below are some summaries of recent research findings about self-worth, and what you can do to start grounding your self-esteem in something more consistent. Finding #1: When students’ self-esteem is tied to their academic performance, they tend to be more depressed. Crocker and colleagues (2003) investigated these “contingencies of self-worth” and found that students tend to feel better about themselves on days they get good grades and worse about themselves on day they get …

Journaling Series for When You’re Worrying About What People Think

Any of my fellow people-pleasers out there?? I am a total people-pleaser, and also kind of a perfectionist. So, naturally, that means that I want people to think I’m …perfect. Unfortunately, I, like the rest of us, am not. So, when I inevitably make mistakes, it can be really easy to jump to some pretty critical (not to mention irrational) ways of thinking about myself. And the funny thing is, what I believe others are thinking about me is almost never accurate. Oh, the irony of anxiety. Below is a series of journal prompts I developed for times when we are really caught up in fears about what people think. These prompts were designed to be answered in a series to help us move from a place of worry to a place of understanding, hope, and rationality. Try it out and let me know what you think! Journal Prompts for When You’re Worried About What Others Think Right now, I find myself worrying that people think I’m . . . (e.g., stupid, socially awkward, lazy …